Note to self: be better

Hello, self. It’s been a while since I wrote to you.

It’s nice to take a step back every once in awhile and evaluate everything that’s happened. Are we happy now? What were the challenges that we encountered? Are we being a little too hard on ourselves lately?

Are we making a change in the world?

Changing the world is a big step, isn’t it? I remember when we had big dreams for ourselves. When was that? Was it three or four years ago? Back then, we weren’t sure of what the future had in store for us, but we were happy. Happy and hopeful.

I don’t know when or where we went wrong, but I think we messed up along the way.

When did we start letting people’s opinions get a hold of us? When did we become obsessed with the friends that we make that we forget that they have their own lives as well? When did we begin defining ourselves the way other people do? Why do we keep feeding these thoughts when we know for a fact that they would never change us?

Why do we like dwelling on our yesteryears? We are so fond of looking back at our past memories that we become so paranoid of losing the ones we have at present. We hold on to some people so tightly that we become unaware of the walls that we are building around us: high, unreachable, and unbreakable.

We pushed other people away because we didn’t want their opinions messing with our lives. We didn’t want correction because we believed that if they can’t accept our flaws, then we are better off without them.

But honestly, life now isn’t any better.

We’re still down and out. We’re insecure of petty things that should not even matter. We overanalyze everything, thinking that everyone is out to get us. We are always vigilant and scared to bare ourselves in fear of having our heart broken.

I barely recognize us now.

But dear self, I want to change.

I want us to be better. I want to be able to tell people that I never stayed the same. I want to show the world that yes, change is possible, and it starts with myself. If I change, then everything will change.

If I change my outlook, maybe things wouldn’t seem so bad.

If I change the way I react to situations, maybe I wouldn’t be so paranoid.

If I change the way I look at people, maybe I wouldn’t have to explain myself all the time.

If I change my mindset, maybe I will finally see the world the way I should see it.

Dear self, let us be better. Change isn’t easy, but it’s doable. Maybe it wouldn’t happen in the next few months. Maybe not in a few years. But let’s take it slow. Slow, yet steady. Let’s live and change one day at a time.

Oh, and one more thing.

You are awesome. Don’t ever forget that.

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